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Dr Trippenbals

Well, here I am again. I wish I journaled more often because I don't want to spend every new entry recounting months of activity.

Best thing that has happened to me is that I did acid at myrtle beach a few weeks ago. One of my best life experiencea. It was just me and my boyfriend. I love tripping with him. He spent the entire day telling me I'm beautiful. At one point, he was bathing me and helping me get sand off in the shower, and he was kind of like cooing to me like I was very young. I started laughing out of sheer joy, and then crying out of happiness. He sat on the edge of the tub and I put my face up close to his and he was so beautiful. He had a singlet, black curl that sat on his forehead, and a huge, toothy smile. His eyes were more green than brown and he told me I was beautiful and that he couldn't stop looking at me for the entire day. And he told me that over, and over again.

I tripped for a very long time, very intensely. He had sex at another point earlier on, which was also incredible. That weekend was great, even though myrtle beach is the trashiest, seediest vacation spot I've ever been to maybe.

Now, I'm back. I've been back for a few weeks now. I'm miserable. I'm behind in chemistry and catching up is so painfully slow and frustrating that I am on the edge of giving up. I'm scared because I want to get into a nursing program, particularly the one at my current school. I'm afraid of failing and never amounting to anything. I haven't reached out to too many people. I've cried a lot this week. I'm also so behind because I had pneumonia for a week, and the. My grandmother's funeral was after spring break, so I missed another week. I really hope I can catch up. I'm trying not to smoke cigarettes, at most one a day. Even though it's nasty ourside, I am definitely going to go running. I'm so frustrated with my life because I feel like I just don't have time to do things I want to do. I miss having hobbies, and being able to relax and do things by myself.

When will this all end? It feels like too much. Today, I had a slight urge to self harm because I feel like I have no proper outlets. When I get upset, I want to be active and reclusive. I feel so tied down and it's upsetting. When will I get a break?


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